In Sickness and in Health

When I married my husband I knew there would be ups and downs we would go through but recently alot of it has been about him caring for me and the kids rather than the other way round. Neither of us are particularly fond of being reliant on anyone, and that includes each other. We have both had our own lives and been single for a long time before we married, and find it uncomfortable sometimes how interlinked our lives have become. We really need to be a team at the moment but sometimes it would be alot easier to be independent and do our own thing seperately. I think this is the same for all human beings otherwise we wouldn’t drag our kids to social settings and tell them to “share”!

I am lucky to work with a great team of people who make going into the office much more fun, and often help with the work pressures by sharing their advice, or time to support me, when they know I have alot going on at home, or can see I am against the clock. While it’s been hard to learn to delegate, it is also alot less stressful to know other people can support you because you have let them into the task or workload you are experiencing.

My husband has had a problem with his eye this week, which meant he couldn’t really see at all, and it has been wierd not having him there to help with everything, and horrible to see him in pain. I really appreciated what he does for us as a family this week, without him I couldn’t do my job for example.

As we were leaving the eye clinic, where the lovely doctor came up with a solution to his problem which has meant he can go back to normal alot quicker (A magic contact lense), the following passage came to mind from Corinthians, that we’ve been looking at church…

 

1 Corinthians v12-26

12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by[c] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

 15 Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

 21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, 25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

mid-life crises

I am approaching my fourtieth birthday and going to three weddings this year, it’s a coincidence but it reminds me of how I felt when I approached my thirtieth and seemed to spend all my weekends meeting new brides and grooms. When I was 29 I realised there were lots of things I wanted to achieve and I needed to get on with some of them now. That year I bought my first house and started a proper job! Ten years on I feel the same but I don’t have such a long “to-do” list, in fact I feel like I probably can’t fit much more in. 

I have been reminded recently through friends and family who are aren’t able to have children how lucky I am to have my two lovely toddlers. At times they are very testing but I am realising that reading about parenting and hearing about it, are not the same as doing it, and it’s alot more fun as well as very challenging than I ever realised. The grief and pain people feel if they are unable to have children is quite overwhelming and can make it hard to be around other people who are pregnant or have little ones about.  This is far worse than the frustration I feel when I can’t get home quick enough to see them after a long day at work.

I have recently started watching a DVD that goes with a christian parenting course which I’ve found quite useful so far, as it seems to suggest that we don’t need to add attention to the bad behaviour and we need to notice and comment on the good stuff. This is pretty reaffirming as we all like people to notice when something has gone well, and if we’ve made a mistake it’s good when people don’t go on and on about it to you. I think it would help my marriage if I noticed more of the things Steve has been doing all day when I get in from work, as well as expecting him to hear about the office.

My experience of God is that he doesn’t like to keep a tally of all the things I’ve messed up, and he’s pretty good at remembering when I’ve done well, even if I can’t seem to acknowledge it for myself. He’s also not all that interested in grand plans and “Things to do before I’m 40!” as he’s got it all worked out for me. I will finish with James 4, v 13-17

 13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” 16 As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. 17 If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.